Moving On ~ Good Advice From Dear Carolyn

Posted in the "Hi, Carolyn" section of May 13th, 2010 Ukiah Daily Journal

Dear Carolyn:
How do think a person knows when they’ve “moved on” from a past relationship i.e., are ready to date again without being unfair to potential partners?-- D.C.

True on-moveage is when you wouldn’t take a person back, even if s/he came begging.

Re: Moving on:
I think it’s more complicated than that. I broke up with a guy because he was starting to show abusive tendencies (throwing things, etc). I wouldn’t have taken him back if he begged, won Lotto and we lived in different time zones. That being said, I still wasn’t ready to move on for a while in a way that was fair to the other person - lots of stuff to work through. -- Anonymous

Right. I was seeing it as a matter of being attached to a particular person. For the kind of moving on you describe, the milestone you want to reach is the one of accepting what you learned about yourself in the former relationship. That pertains mostly to the ugly stuff you learn about yourself, but flattering news can take time to process, too. All this can make your own life seem alien to you. Once that phase has passed, and you’re not constantly aware of or reminding yourself of what happened – when you just “are” – then, you’ve moved on.

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